Paint on Canvas
by blackwand84
Summary: This is an alternate ending to my story "Your Fight is My Fight." This is how I imagine it could have been if in the original version I had not insisted on changing the fate of our dear Severus.


_What if Tamara hadn't managed to save Severus that night? __Since I love a good cry, I figured I would explore the idea and this is what I came up with. I had to change the year of Sevarun's birth to make it fit, but I kept the date the same. It's a nifty little look at what might have happened, but I'm still much happier with the version in which he lives! _

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><p>Minerva McGonagall threw her arms around her younger friend and hugged her tight. It had been over four years since they had seen each other after the Battle of Hogwarts.<p>

Tamara looked mostly the same, except, Minerva noticed she was thinner now and there were noticeably dark shadows around her blue eyes. Also, a few gray hairs were interspersed with the brown ones.

"It's good to see you Tamara" she said quietly. Looking down, she smiled at the little boy who was clutching Tam's leg. "Hello there!" she greeted him.

The boy hid his face in his mother's cloak, and Tamara patted his head. "He's shy. It's good to see you too Min."

Tamara looked around at the castle walls around her and felt as if she'd been whisked back in time. She hadn't come back here since those confused, dark days after the final battle. She'd wanted to avoid the painful memories it would bring. Now, standing here, everything came flooding back in a rush.

"Please forgive me if I seem a bit anti-social. I don't mean to be, it's just… difficult to be here" she explained.

The Headmistress nodded. "I understand. It was very good of you to come for Horace's retirement party. I know it will mean a great deal to him."

Tam smiled. "He was a good friend, and I thought it would be a shame to miss" she sighed. "Besides, it's been far too long. I can't hide from the past forever. The best and the worst times of my life were spent here."

As they approached the steps that led up to McGonagall's office Tam's heart started to beat faster. She remembered it as Dumbledore's office, and then, during those uncertain sorrow-filled months… it had belonged to _him_.

McGonagall stopped, and turned to face Tamara. She looked nervous.

"I'm afraid there is something I should make you aware of before we enter" she said. "I didn't ever mention it to you before because… well, honestly because he asked me not to. In addition to his letter to you, inside my desk I also found one that he left for me, and in it he made certain requests. Tamara… there is a portrait."

It was all she needed to say. Tam of course knew right away what she was talking about. She had thought about it in the past, the possibility that they may have honored him in the school. Surely, after all he'd done and sacrificed he deserved it. She knew that no portrait had instantly appeared upon his death, as it should have since he was Headmaster. Due to his abdication of his post, the spell was broken. She'd heard the rumors that Harry Potter was campaigning to have one placed, but she'd never quite mustered the courage to ask if he had been successful. Minerva had never said either way. Now she knew.

She felt that old familiar ache rising up in her chest again, making it hard to breathe. Her son was still tugging at her cloak, and she grabbed his little hand and squeezed it affectionately.

"He said that he didn't want you to waste your life crying at a picture in a frame" Minerva explained gently. "He said it would be easier for you to move on without feeling bound to a portrait. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I knew what it would have meant to you to be able to speak with him, but… I felt I should respect his wishes. I also believed that he was probably right."

Tamara swallowed hard. "Hmm. There wasn't ever any hope of _moving on_ I'm afraid. There could never be another man for me. I understand though. You were both correct in your thinking about what I would have done, however. I'd have stayed in front of it forever."

"He doesn't know about… what you've done with your life since then." Minerva glanced at the child again. "I thought that it would be cruel to tell him when he would never…" she stopped, emotion getting the better of her.

"I understand" Tamara whispered. "Min, I think… I think now that I know he's here I would really like to talk to him. Would you mind waiting here with Sevarun for a few minutes?"

"I would be happy to."

Minerva spoke her password and Tamara climbed the steps alone. When she stepped into the office she was not surprised to see that the portrait she had come to see was next to the one of Albus Dumbledore. At the moment Dumbledore's frame was empty, but, seated at his desk inside his own frame… there was Severus Snape.

He glanced up, expecting to see Professor McGonagall, and Tam heard him gasp when he realized who was actually standing there.

He looked just as she remembered, and even though she had tried telling herself she could handle this, her broken heart proved differently. The tears welled in her eyes at once, and the ache in her chest evolved into an agonizing burn. It nearly brought her to her knees.

"Hello Severus" she choked.

He didn't speak at first, and she knew he was still in shock to see her there. He stared at her with that same pained expression she had gotten so used to seeing on his face during his brief time as Headmaster of the school. He stood up from his desk and walked forward in the picture so he could be closer to her. Following his lead she walked towards the frame, getting as close as she could.

Finally he said "Hello little friend."

She smiled through her tears. Leave it to him to remember that nickname. Suddenly overcome, she started to sob. There was no fighting it. This was simply too much.

"Please don't do that" he said gently.

She shook her head, unable to stop. Tamara closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing properly. The years that had passed felt like no more than days. The pain that had nearly killed her washed over her again like boiling oil.

"I'm sorry" sniffed. "I didn't intend on coming in here to cry at you."

He smiled sadly. "I imagine not. I was told that you were coming to the castle, but not that I would be seeing you."

"Minerva told me that you didn't want her to let me know they'd done a portrait. She explained why, and of course you were right. I'm still angry though. Do you know how many times over these years I have wished I could talk to you even just one more time…" she started to lose it again and painfully pressed her fingernails into her palms to regain her focus.

"I apologize" he said calmly. "Though I still stand by my decision. I was told that you were nearly catatonic for a month. I held the belief that whatever finally pulled you out of it should not be overshadowed by the empty comfort of paint on canvas, no matter how animated."

She sighed. "Remus and Tonks were both killed and then… then I overheard what had happened to you. Nobody wanted to tell me. They thought I would kill myself. I wanted to. I thought about it constantly for a while there."

"I am very glad that you did not" he said, his deep voice sounding choked. She could tell he was struggling with his emotions too. "Minerva said that you moved into my house. I can't imagine why you'd want to. I had thought you'd sell it and use the proceeds to start over."

She shook her head. "No. Absolutely not. I know you didn't exactly love the place, but we had nice times there. It still smells like you."

There was an awkward silence. After a few minutes, Tamara made a decision.

"I didn't want to go on. I wanted to go with you rather than stay behind with all the pain and all the thoughts of what we should have had. I can't possibly tell you how much I have missed you. People say it gets easier, and that the pain dulls over time but they are wrong. I wake up every day knowing that it will be one more day since the last time I got to hold you." She looked into his eyes as best she could do with a figure in a painting, and wondered if time passed the same for the dead as it did the living.

He stared at her, not able to find the right words to respond.

"It's never been any easier, but I had to pull myself out my emotional black hole" she said. "Because I learned that you had left me even more than all of your worldly possessions."

He raised an eyebrow, and seeing that old expression she'd always adored made her smile in spite of the pain.

She went to the doorway and called down the steps "Send him up Min, could you?"

Severus watched from his portrait as a small boy came into the room and immediately wrapped his arms around Tam's leg. His dark eyes widened as he took in the child's features.

The little boy had jet black hair, worn long, that hung down in front of his eyes as if he were trying to hide behind it. His skin was very fair, and he had, apparently, inherited his father's nose.

"He's all you" Tamara said, smiling at the bittersweet moment. She'd always wished to have the chance to present her lost love with his child, but never thought it would be any more than a dream. "Except he has my blue eyes. This is Sevarun Remus Snape. He's three. He was born on what would have been your thirty-ninth birthday. How's that for irony?"

Severus stared, still speechless.

"He's very bright" Tamara continued. "He amazes me every day. He'll be just as talented and brilliant as his father, I can already tell."

"I am so sorry" Severus finally whispered. She could see the glitter of tears in his eyes now, and she found herself quite impressed with the details that could appear in magical paintings. It was hard to remember that he was not living flesh.

She shook her head. "No! Don't you dare apologize. When Poppy told me that I was… that he was on his way, I cried so hard but it was with _joy_. I had lost you but I would have a part of you back. It saved me. I had lost my will to live and with your final gift to me you gave it back. Thank you so much for that Sev."

"No" said miserably. "I am not sorry that you had him I am sorry that I left you. I failed you, both of you. I…"

"You died a hero, making the world safe for him to be born into" she insisted, starting to cry again. "I've never blamed you, I've only been proud of you. I mourn your loss every day of my life, but I know what it was for. Remus and Dora left a son too, and he will grow up without his parents, but he will grow up safe because of their sacrifice. You didn't fail us. You died for us."

He studied his son's small form, wanting to take in every detail of the child. Noticing his intense gaze, Tamara picked the boy up and held him so that Severus could see him better.

"Sevarun, do you know who this man is in the picture?" she asked.

The boy peeked out from the safety of his hair and studied Severus' image. He then looked at his mother hesitantly.

"I think you do. Just like the picture I gave you, isn't he?"

The boy nodded, and pulled a small photograph out of his shirt. It was a picture of Severus at Spinner's End that Tamara had taken against his will on one of her summer visits. He was glaring, but his trademark smirk gave away his amusement.

"Daddy" the boy said, turning back to Severus' portrait. He smiled.

"Hello Sevarun" Severus said to him, fighting hard not to burst into tears and scare the child. "I am very glad to see you."

Tamara could tell that it was a tremendous struggle for the man on the canvas to keep his voice calm. He sounded a bit like he was being strangled.

"I should have let Minerva come in first and tell you so you'd know what to expect" she said, feeling sorry for him. "I'm sorry. This isn't something you spring on someone like this."

Severus shook his head. "No, it's fine. I am very pleased to get to see this clever little wizard." He was trying to sound happy, rather than devastated, and Tam had to give him credit for the effort. "Tamara did you manage to recover my wand? I never asked anyone about that but suddenly I find myself wondering."

She nodded. "Of course I did." She smiled, knowing why he was asking. "It took putting up quite a fight, but I insisted on fetching it myself. It's being kept safe for him."

Severus' expression was once again full of regret. "You shouldn't have gone in there" he scolded her. "What good could come of that?"

"I had to. I had to say goodbye to you. You know me. Did you expect any different? It's done now, anyway. I have your wand, and your son will have it when he is old enough."

He sighed, and looked again at the little boy, who was staring at him curiously. For the first time ever he found himself looking at his own features without disgust. This was a beautiful child. _This is my son_ he thought to himself. _I have a son_.

"We have a child, and he is perfect" he said quietly to Tamara.

She nodded. "Yes, he is."

"I did love you" he admitted. "I wanted you from the moment you first asked me for my password and I realized that I loved you the night I showed you my dark mark and you didn't shrink away from me. I didn't ever say it because I knew I might die, and I didn't want to make it any worse for you. I loved you. Truthfully, I still do, in this painted existence. I think of you every day and hope that you are well. Now I shall also think of him."

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><p>Severus paced back and forth within his frame. The hours seemed to be passing exceptionally slowly this evening.<p>

"Surely it must be done with by now?" he grumbled.

"Patience, Severus" said Dumbledore, looking down at the painted cards in his hand. He was sitting at Snape's desk, attempting to salvage the game that they had started to pass the time. He wasn't often invited into his old friend's painting, but tonight was a special occasion.

"That is easy for you to say. You didn't leave behind any offspring when you departed the earth for the great beyond… that ended up being just this same bloody office" complained the dark haired wizard. "I have a legacy! I didn't expect one, but I have it, just the same. I have waited for this night since I first became aware of his existence."

Dumbledore chuckled. "I daresay that whatever the outcome, it is still cause for celebration."

"Certainly. I am just… hopeful."

Finally, the Headmistress emerged from the stairs leading into the office. She did not immediately address her two deceased colleagues within the frame, but instead sat down at her desk.

Severus growled impatiently. "Well? What happened?" he demanded, desperate to know.

McGonagall turned around slowly, with a sly smile.

A few moments later, in her bedroom at Spinner's End, Tamara Brookes heard Severus step into the painting that Minerva had commissioned for her to keep at home. She looked over at him expectantly, knowing what he had come to tell her.

She knew immediately from his expression what the answer was. He was grinning with pride.

"Slytherin?" she asked, smiling back at him.

"Naturally" he replied.

"Good" she said.


End file.
